Wishing you were somehow here again...

You were once my one companion . . .
you were all that mattered . . .
You were once a friend and father,
then my world was shattered . . .

Wishing you were somehow here again . . .
wishing you were somehow near . . .
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed,
somehow you would be here . . .

Wishing I could hear your voice again . . .
knowing that I never would . . .
Dreaming of you won't help me to do
all that you dreamed I could . . .

Passing bells and sculpted angels,
cold and monumental,
seem, for you the wrong companions -
you were warm and gentle . . .
Too many years fighting back tears . . .
Why can't the past just die . . .?

Wishing you were somehow here again . . .
knowing we must say goodbye . . .
Try to forgive, teach me to live . . .
give me the strength to try . . .

No more memories, no more silent tears . . .
No more gazing across the wasted years . . .
Help me say goodbye.
Help me say goodbye!

Questions

Who, what, where, when, how, and to what extent? Those were the questions my 4th grade teacher Mrs. Bell used to want us to ask. I can't remember what the context was in which that she wanted us to ask these questions though... Lately I've been asking these questions but not in the context of grammar but rather in the context of my life- Who am I, what am I doing, where am I going with my life, how am I going to end up, and to what extent could I possibly mess things up? I think now because I know the next year holds so much uncertainty I'm asking these questions so much more that I used to. No one can ever know what's in store for them as much as they'd like to think they do but now I know for sure that I have no idea what's going to happen.

Sunrises

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."- C.S. Lewis

Photo taken by me while at Harrow on the Hill.

Joy that seeks me through pain

O love that will not let me go
I rest my weary soul in Thee
I give Thee back the life I owe
That in thine ocean depths its flow
My richer, fuller be

O Light that followest all my way
I yield my flickering torch to Thee
My heart restores its borrowed ray
That in thy sunshines glow its day
May brighter, fairer be

O Joy you seek me through the pain
I cannot close my heart to thee
I trace the rainbow through the rain
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be

O Cross that liftest up my head
I dare not ask to fly from thee
I lay in dust life's glories dead
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.


My first morning in London this song was sung at the intern meeting I went to after being picked up at the airport. At the time I was majorly jetlagged, tired, hungry, and feeling very numb in many ways. I let the song just wash over me and listened as everyone else sang it. Then about a week later I stumbled on this song again in my iPod. It's an old, beautiful song and while I sat listening to it I had the greatest feeling of peace.

So it begins...

Maybe I shouldn't use a line from a movie which began a huge battle in which thousands of men and creatures died (Lord of the Rings- The Two Towers) to begin my first blog post. I've never really officially blogged much other than the blog that I did for my computer class last year. This will now be my blog and I shall keep it true to it's name- Random Thoughts and Expressions. It could be lyrics from a song, quotes from an author or anyone else, pictures I find online or take myself, or just my needing to vent about life as a seventeen yearold in Philly, living with my family, going to the school I go to and playing the many sports I play. Last week while I was journaling I made a list of things that I want to accomplish in my life. The things on the list varied from seeing my favorite soccer teams playing, bungee jumping in New Zealand, to learning to express how I'm ACTUALLY feeling not hiding it or covering it up. This blog will serve as an aid for that- expressing how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling that way. I don't know if many people will read or comment this blog or find it interesting at all but it's here for me more than anyone else. I hope that it will also help people to learn more about me and to see who I really am.